Reality check
Showing yourself grace and kindness in times of difficulty is not always easy to do. In fact it is a practice that needs to be learned. But it can be a saviour when it is both learned and practiced.
Being able to show yourself the same compassion and understanding you would to others when you are struggling, is an act of self-love we should all have in our skill set.
After all, we spend the most time of our lives with ourselves. Why would we not be the first person we show kindness to?
In a week that has been a reality check roller coaster, it’s been really difficult to show myself grace and kindness when I have been dropping the ball on things that affect my family. My kids in particular.
Last year when getting my oldest ready for her first day of Year 7 and starting at a much larger school I was all sorted.
All the books and stationary done weeks ahead so they could be organised. Uniform and shoes done a couple of weeks ahead. Labels on all items. Teaching the lesson of ironing the uniform done. All the apps and comms set up and ready to go.
All of it sorted.
For my second and his first day of Year 7 I’ve dropped the ball.
I tried for some second hand books and ended up chasing them across town a couple of days before school started only to realise I had forgotten a whole page of stationery on the booklist. An emergency trip to Officeworks was made to get those after dropping him off for his first day.
I was still chasing uniform the day before and multiple trips to the Uniform shop to get all that was needed. Shoes were purchased ahead but we forgot to wear them in before hand so blisters ensued. He wore the wrong socks on the first day and I didn’t check before we left!
I had been meaning to get his eyes tested all summer but didn’t lock it in. Thankfully that’s sorted but I didn’t just drop the ball. I dropped multiple.
I began my week frustrated, disappointed and really struggling to show myself that grace and kindness as I let him down. My cancer treatment induced vagueness and fatigue have directly affected his experience of beginning high school. “How could I let that happen?” I keep asking myself.
The coach in me would suggest sitting in the feelings, feeling all the feels, dealing with the reality of why this happened and how it happened, then it is a matter of releasing them.
My phrase - Sit, Feel, Deal, Release.
If I was coaching a client with these circumstances, I would be encouraging them to look at all they are facing and show some understanding for what they’re going through when criticising their self-described, less than adequate parenting.
I’d be coaching them to recognise what they did get right for their child before looking at what they feel they fell short on. Encouraging them to look at the positive outcomes of what they did right and weigh up if that has had a greater effect than all those dropped balls.
After doing the sitting, feeling and dealing I began to feel like Tommy from Landman (Paramount) again and started finding solutions.
The following the day the correct socks were worn, the eye test was booked in, the timetable was ready to view with a click to be sure all the right books go each day and the lunch box contents were healthy and winning. I was back. Not sure for how long but that was one lesson in all this. I will fail. I will drop the balls as the mental load was so heavy before treatment began. And whilst I put pressure on myself, my son understood and found the lessons in his own experience.
My week may have not started off great but it didn’t stay that way.
I have thankfully had a number of people reach out to let me know they heard my message and have gotten checked!
One who needed to speak up and push for the treatment she deserved, others who did routine checks and began the habit for the future, one who had to get their breasts checked and thankfully received a great outcome and one who did the uncomfortable thing to be told he is ok. I’m sharing precisely for this. To ensure others learn the lesson and the value of regular checks to ensure it isn’t too late when or if it appears.
Connection is love - out of school sports are back in full swing and the kids are loving it, we saw my parents, brother and has family down the beach, and today I was blessed to have two of my cousins come from Melbourne to sit with me whilst receiving treatment. I don’t always have people sit with me but today was extra special. Today we got to take an “us-ie” (Ted Lasso reference) and send it to their sister in Spain who is about to have triplets any day. We are both desperate for a long hug together, but the hugs with these two gems today helped to feel connected.
A week of important lessons for me.
My message is getting out there an making an impact
Showing grace and kindness to myself is not always easy
Failures happen but they can be learned from and the feelings released
I’m not the woman I was because I am treating the one I will become
I am surrounded by love and support from such beautiful family and friends
What started as a major reality check, ended with grace, kindness and love.
