12 weeks on…

Twelve weeks have gone by where every Wednesday I sit in a chair, sometimes for two hours and sometimes 5 hours, to be injected with a poison so potent, the nurses wear extra protection as a preventative measure of getting a drop on their cancer free skin.

For the past twelve weeks I have sat in the same chair once a week, with a view of a toilet, close enough to the patio door so I could open it and have fresh air during treatment.

For 12 weeks, my husband & children have had to work around my fatigue, nausea, somewhat self-absorbed focus on how my body was coping, responding, feeling or reacting, as we all came to terms with what cancer treatment looks like.

For 12 weeks I have had many ask how I am feeling, whether they are close to me or an acquaintance and I have had to quickly assess if I give the real version or the small talk version. Not being good at small talk myself, that takes a bit more effort for me.

For the past 12 weeks on a Tuesday, I have had to see the fab team at Clinical Labs for blood tests to see how the body was holding up and if it could go through with the treatment the next day. We have had some fun convos in there with laughter always being the way we end the visit.

For 12 weeks I have been blessed with my village delivering meals, doing research to better understand what I’m facing, asking great questions, gifts with purpose and gorgeous flowers just because. Text messages, videos of my nieces, understanding responses as I have to reschedule or cancel, and friends who take the kids on adventures knowing they need the fun and change of scenery.

For longer than 12 weeks, a husband who has stood steadfast in supporting me, doing the little things that at times are too much for me, forging ahead with our long awaited new home while my memory forgets the finer details we have already talked about. He has shown vulnerability, love, support and appreciation for my efforts in spades.

For the past 12 weeks I have remained positive in my mindset of overcoming this disease and being the winner in this race of 2. I’ve breathed, affirmed, meditated, manifested, journaled and used all my tools in the box to keep my eye on the desired outcome.

This week the results of my ultrasound were fantastic. I’m winning the race! I have more to go, but these past 12 weeks I have shown Breast Cancer who is boss and it’s me.

These next 12 weeks will be the hard times. The poison going in is the stuff that knocks the immediate wind out of your sails so the future looks brighter, and the win can be secured.

It’ll get worse before it gets better. But the buoyancy from the current outcomes will set me in good stead for the shit storm coming in. I shall remain positive. I shall surrender and listen to my body.

And in the end, I shall win.