The power of your WHY

The power of my WHY is how I ended up on the other side of the world in Toronto Canada, sharing how I came to understand the power of storytelling and when my WHY revealed itself along the way.

I thought I would share my talk with you all…

The Empowering Power of Storytelling – Lee Martin.

Today I want to share my background and how I came to understand the importance of storytelling. Stories you tell yourself in particular and the power this can have on empowering you and those around you.

On the screen you will see a group of photos. In these photos there is key one missing piece.

You may or may not be able to see it.

It may be hard to notice to those that are strangers, as it was hard for some that know me well to see it too.

The missing piece was ME.

My spirit. My spark. My essence.

All missing.

I was behind the camera, in the background or if I was in the photos, that smile of mine didn’t reach my eyes. The smile did not come from within. My spirit was broken.

Broken from personal neglect. Surviving on an empty cup and a daily practice of self loathing.

All my own doing and yet I could not feel anyone trying to bring me back out of it either.

Negative story telling that I kept on a loop and it kept my spark dull.

This loop was on repeat for over 10 years. Way too long a time in this one life we get.

There always comes a moment in time when a shift is imminent. A time to be brave. A time to accept the need for change.

Let ‘s start this story from 2016…

I had survived a very challenging year in 2016 with the birth of my third child.

Everyone told me the 3rd child would be cruisy, fit right in with the existing routine of the others. But after having two natural births, this one was going to require an induction.

Over 24 hours of labour with many complications thrown in, my daughter entered the world.

Along with her arrival came my introduction to a child who didn’t sleep longer than 20mins, she had silent reflux and we all had to navigate the exploration and diagnosis of allergies we would eventually learn were to dairy and soy.

We had to visit to a mother / baby sleep unit for respite and routine adaptation. We needed more than 20 minute sleeps not just for the baby but the whole family. Most of all me.

We had to adjust to the lack of sleep, the strength of an intense sleep routine and learning how to navigate eating for allergies in the world. I learned to eat gluten, dairy, egg, soy and caffeine free while feeding until we had that allergy diagnosis.

For those not aware, most products that are dairy free usually contain soy in our country. So you can imagine the anxiety this creates for one tired and depleted Mumma. But the sound of my daughter in pain from inadvertently consuming dairy, and the guilt of knowing I had consumed it to make that pain happen, was hard to let go of.

After 8 mths of this new life we were living, I made a decision. I decided this was our new life and I had to accept it wasn’t going to get better so I needed to get on with things. I went back to work and that part of my life thrived!

It was an escape. A place I felt successful, like I knew what I was doing and I didn’t have the guilt of failing. That was the ONLY part of my life that was thriving.

Heading into 2018 with this first decision made, I decided to give myself one very important thing. Something a lot of women struggle to give themselves.

I gave myself permission.

Permission to look after me, at times first, and in doing that I would improve my health, my state of mind, and my ability to give to my family which now was a busy house with three children under 5.

So in January of 2018 I started with my first health check. I had been suffering from plantar fasciitis for over a year in both feet. It was extremely painful, debilitating and had limited my ability to exercise which directly affected my already low opinion of myself. I was going to get this fixed so I could at least go for walks.

Once my podiatrist got over the shock of me living with this for such a long period of time, she successfully treated my feet in just over 3 months. Shock treatment for repair, a drastic change in footwear that would be the ongoing support that meant, I walked out of there for the last time without pain.

I felt a little flicker of something I hadn’t felt in a long, long time about myself. It was pride. I was ready for the next health check.

 With a family history of bowel cancer and stomach issues, I decided to get an Endoscopy to rule out any potential health risks in this area. I had no symptoms but wanted to feel good in the knowledge I had addressed it and could move forward from there. Plus the added bonus of my Mum being pleased about my proactive approach.

This proved to be a life saving health check. This is one message I hope to share with everyone I meet. GET YOUR HEALTH CHECKED.

I had 9 polyps removed from my bowel with two having to have further tests conducted but came back all clear.

I was also diagnosed with a hiatus hernia that was large enough to pull 2/3rds of my stomach out of its lining. I was advised I could leave it be or I could seek treatment. I sure am glad I chose the latter!

I met with a specialist who explained this was not just about the hernia but about the damage done to my oesophagus and the ongoing complications that may arise as a result.

Now you would think with this information, there may be a sense of urgency for the operation but…not me. I may have been moving forward in small steps but the old habits die hard as they say. My one aspect of my life working well was my career and I had important events to attend such as a conference in Uluru in the Northern Territory and a Queensland winter escape I didn’t want to miss… I know…I know.

The lead up to the operation wasn’t the greatest. The endoscopy itself had aggravated the Hiatus Hernia and I began to experience symptoms. In the end I was on a liquid only diet, could hear the gurgling of my body trying to process the liquids as it had now pulled ¾’s of my stomach out of the lining and was vomiting in my sleep.

But it wasn’t just the physical symptoms I had to deal with. I had to psychologically get myself ready for big changes. Including the possibility of a having to have a Roux-en-Y gastric bypass if the damage to my oesophagus was too great. I was secretly hopeful this would be the outcome strangely enough, because the neglect of myself included becoming obese had me very unhappy with the size of my body. Remember that self-loathing storytelling loop I had going on? Well this was the main contributor to that talk.

I may have been hopeful of the bypass because I could lose weight but the self talk going back and forth about why a strong woman such as me could not lose the weight on my own, was a daily conversation I was having.

It wasn’t until my specialist enlightened me with some wisdom that I moved to acceptance of the possible changes to my life.

My specialist explained how my body had been in survival mode for many years. Not only  from battling this condition, but my neglect & the births and feeding of my three children. My body was well equipped to hold on to everything to survive. It is because of my strength that my body was able to do this for me. This was the moment I truly began to love my body for all that she does for me…

So on December 6 of 2018 I walked into the hospital feeling ready for a second chance at life. I felt ready to accept the long, slow recovery process. I was ready to accept the change in lifestyle, eating habits, portion sizes, eating method, drinking habits, abandonment of sugar and for a long time, coffee, pop, alcohol and chocolate. I was ready to take this on, improve my health and let go of the self-loathing story I had been telling myself for WAY too long.

This moment in time has lead to the greatest growth of my life and has lead me to where I find myself today.

To quote Peter Crone, everything happened as it was supposed to happen because that is how it happened.

My essence returned.

My spark was re-lit and began to shine brighter.

My spirit was building.

I was recapturing ME.

I want to note that yes I did end up with a Roux-en-Y bypass. I did work very hard at the portion sizes, eating the protein first, no sugar etc. and did lose 45kgs in the process of treating myself well and doing what needed to be done for my body. Afterall, she had looked after me all my days so far and now it was my time to return the love.

But the weight loss wasn’t as simple as just letting the kg’s fall off. I couldn’t sit for longer than 10mins or my coccyx would begin to ache.  So I began the ironic adventure of strength training. I went to a gym, to build my glutes so I could sit for longer. It became a happy place for me and has continued to be so ever since. It is a place I can depend on because I have never left the gym feeling worse than when I went in.

It has taught me great things about the strength of my body. It has taught me about consistency in turning up for me.

I am the example that my children see.

The positive mind shift post op, set me on a new path of self-discovery that helped me to identify my passion of empowering others. It was how Lee Martin Coaching was born.

I explored deep within seeking to understand the loathing, how to let go of the negative stories I held so tightly and how to re-write those with grace and compassion towards myself and others who had added to weight to those stories. I was purging the stories that no longer served me and explore kindness, self-worth and finding ways to love myself just as I am right now.

It was this adventure of self-discovery and empowerment that I realised, if I had spent a quarter of my life living this way, there would be others. There would be those at the beginning, those at a cross roads and those that would be finding their way back and my purpose was exposed.

My purpose is to guide those at the beginning, at the cross roads or those being brave enough to find their way back to themselves, to love themselves just as they are.

For all that they are.

It is the power of creating positive stories to tell ourselves and others that empowers us. It has the ability to re-phrase, to limit the influence of others and to change or re-direct where we want to go in OUR lives.

I can’t becomes I will.

I’m not good becomes I’m willing to try.

I failed becomes I learned.

I’m scared becomes I am brave.

Giving ourselves the space to breathe, time to look forward and visualise the life we want for ourselves, is empowering.

Empowered women, empower women.

We are all examples of this, or we wouldn’t be here today.

I learned, I studied, I breathed and visualised my way through things. I discovered, consulted and continue to do all of this today as my purpose strengthens.

Giving myself permission is critical in the example I set as a mother, wife, friend, coach, community leader and volunteer.

Permission to try new things.

Permission to be brave.

Permission to fail.

Permission to love.

Permission to give.

Permission to spend time alone.

Permission to fill my cup.

Permission to sit in the wonder of nature.

Permission to practice gratitude and let it impact my life.

Permission to be an example to my two empowered girls and emotionally intelligent son in this world we live in. Creating great humans.

We can all aim to show compassion, grace and love towards ourselves.

As humans we are wired to the negative bias. To live otherwise takes work. It requires you to be kind to yourself. It requires consistent positive storytelling.

I’d like to ask tell yourself a positive story right now.

I’d like you to take a minute and write down three things you love about yourself right now. Just as you are in this moment.

I love:

-         My passion for empowering others

-         The faith I found in myself, lead me here

-         How much my hair loves the weather in Canada

It doesn’t happen overnight. It isn’t always some epiphany, but every little step is a step closer to creating the new pattern of thinking. The new story.

Now the ripple effect of empowering women, is our natural instinct to give.

As I felt more comfortable in my empowered state, my story telling gained momentum in so many ways to change my life and those around me.

 I became more involved in giving to others. My children naturally. My friends, my clients and my community all receive the bonus of my empowerment as I look to give more.

I now stand on boards, am an ambassador for Domestic Violence programs, conduct workshops for DV survivors to regain their independence and look to contribute to my community in any way I can.

Empowered women, empower women.

By changing our stories, we can create a better future for ourselves and those around us.

It creates a ripple effect of empowerment.

What story will you change today to create your empowering ripple effect?